Mike Burns Blazes Past Competition as Ultimate Eater of Pies
At the first annual Taurus 4th of July Pie Eating Contest, Mike Burns was in rare form as he ravenously ravaged a blueberry pie in record time, defeating seven contestants and a small child. His performance simultaneously inspired and frightened onlookers as Burns ascended mere mortality and entered the realm of Pie-Eating Legend. “You couldn’t stop him, you could only hope to contain him,” said a Taurus regular. “It was like watching Larry Bird in his prime.” Will Mike Burns return next year to defend his title? Taurus and the rest of the world await his answer with bated breath.